In The Shadows of Light
by Jasper Velcity
Summary: {BTS Fanfic} "Yoongi-Hyung..." "Yes?" "You know I love you... Right?"
1. chapter 1

Pain

Anger

Loneliness

The perfect combination for the already fragile Kim Namjoon. The boy who keeps hanging onto love when he knows nothing he does will make _him_ love- or even like him back. His hyung was just too stupid, too dense... Too... Broken to actually accept his love... Why was reality cruel? Why can't fantasies stay like that? Why can't you stay asleep in dreamland so everything you do would have no consequences?

Instead of ways to try to get out of his toxic thinking, he continues the pattern. Meeting up once in a while. Get his thoughts and words twisted into mush then being sent home in a fit of anger. Then his hyung asking for forgiveness 3 weeks later. It was always like this. Always always always. He should let go... But what is holding him back from it? His sense of hope to fix the poor guy? His fear of being forgotten by his unrequited love? Well, whatever... He despised it. He despised himself for holding on to someone who does not want anything.

And that weekly meetup? He was naive enough to go back and crawl back to those arms full of black and poison. But it was addicting. Like a drug. The sweet nothings, the pain and pleasure brought out.

_xxx-xxx-xxxx: Namjoon. Bring pizza and some drinks. Remember, 5 o'clock sharp at the same place. Don't be late or I'm leaving._

Namjoon looked at the message and his heart skipped a beat. Why was it whenever his hyung text him or actually acknowledged him in general, it was enough to make his heart go in a frenzy and butterflies start flying around in his stomach? He believed this was love... Yes. How else can you explain the redness in his cheeks, or the burning sensation left whenever they touch by accident?

Buying the pizza and some whiskey, he heads out to the spot where they first met. It was the space where Namjoon fell ridiculously in love.

_Flashback_

_Namjoon was walking in the rain down the Setsuna River as he just looked blankly at the ground. Just earlier his boyfriend of 5 years broke up with him just like that. And the excuse was that Namjoon was just too "boring." Tch. What a damn jerk. But if he didn't act like he cared... Why was he feeling like everything had been put onto his shoulders? Like charcoal had been smeared across his heart and it wasn't washing away?_

_So, that lead him to standing underneath the dead cherry blossom tree with the river overflowing from the rain. How pretty it looked. With the roaring sounds of waves being __violently__ thrown back and forth from the walls. All while heading downstrem to who knows where. How would it feel if he was part of those waves? To feel himself running into the walls, feeling bones crack and pop. At least he would feel like shit as he was on the inside._

_Without thinking he started towards the river. That is, until someone grabbed his forearm and pulled him back before his entire body was engulfed by the agitated water._

_"Why the hell were you walking in there?! Huh?! Answer me goddamn it!" A stranger that was shorter than him said. His eyes... They were something to look at... And his hair was such a pretty colour to... How would it feel if his fingers could run through that silky looking hair?_

_"I asked you a question! Are you deaf?!" The stranger asked again._

_"No.. I'm not... Sorry for troubling you.." Namjoon said quietly as he looked back down._

_"Well. Don't do that again you idiot." He let go of the others arm. "By the way, what's your name?"_

_"Why would you want to know that?" Namjoon said in surprise as he looked at the other._

_"Because, I want to know who I saved and why they almost walked into the river without second thoughts." The guy siad in a softer tone._

_"K-Kim Namjoon..." He said, lightly blushing. "And you?"_

_"Min... Min Yoongi."_

_Flashback End_

To be continued...


	2. chapter 2

Namjoon walked down to the calming river. Isn't it funny how somewhere he almost died became his favorite spot to hang out? The glistening water... The sounds of birds and people... Wasn't it just beautiful?

As he walked towards the cherry blossom tree that was growing buds of flowers, you could see a silhouette of a man. A man who was writing something in a black book.

Namjoon just smiled and stood there for a minute. Yoongi always looked so peaceful and content when he started writing _something_. It could be song lyrics, a story, just random words... And somehow it all just fit. What can he do that wasn't the opposite of horrible?

Finally getting out of his thoughts and gaze, he walked up to the man and plopped himself right down.

"You're lucky you came just on time. I was going to leave before you sat down." Yoongi said with a monotone voice.

"Well, how could you? You were just writing something down in that book of yours. If you were going to leave... How could you have known the time?" Namjoon said as his throat almost constricted. Why was he saying this knowing the other would get mad right away?!

"Tch. Shut up will you? Give me a swing of that." Yoongi said before reaching over and grabbing the bottle of alcohol. "You want some before I drown this?" He asked. Joon just shook his head no. Knowing that he didn't really like drinking. The only time he did was when he just wanted to forget everything. At least for a night.

"All right, suit yourself," Yoongi said before taking a long drink. "Ahh~ This always hits the spot." He exclaimed before setting the bottle on the grass. But why was it that Joon was here? Was there a reason?

"H-Hyung..." He said in a small voice.

"Yes?"

"Why is it whenever we part ways... We don't talk for at least a month? Why must we always continue this pattern?" He asked, knowing he won't get an answer. Like always.

"Did you see that new movie yet?" Yoongi said, effectively changing the subject. Joon didn't want him to leave just yet.. So he played along.

"Which movie hyung? There are hundreds of movies coming out by the second. You gotta specify." Namjoon said with a small chuckle.

"Train to Busan..." Yoongi trailed off looking at the river.

"Hyung... That came out two years ago. It's not new."

"Yea... Maybe I'm thinking of something else..." Yoongi said while looking the same spot. Meanwhile, Joon had been looking at Yoon for the whole time. How long ago was it when they first met? 3 years ago? Damn... Yoongi was much different than the closed-off jerk he is today... He was bright... Outgoing... Caring, sweet... Everything about him was amazing. But something happened. What exactly was it? He didn't know. He didn't know at all. He had only known his hyung for a year before changing. But did he already fall head over heels in that amount of time? Yes. But why? Shouldn't he have left by now?

"Namjoon. I have to go now. I'll text you later ok?" Yoongi said interrupting his thoughts.

"Ah- oh. Ok~ Goodluck, and have a good day!" He said cheerfully, hoping to make Yoongi smile. Just for once.

Alas. That did not happen. But hey. Did he leave because of anger? No... This was a step up.

And just with a nod of his head, Yoongi left with the bottle and pizza in hand.

To Be Continued...


	3. chapter 3

"Namjoon! Why the hell were you with him again?!" Jung Hoseok said once Namjoon had stepped through the door. Yeesh. Give him a break. He didn't even step through the door before Hobi started nagging him.

"Hoseok hyung... I was shopping and hanging out with Taehyung. Don't worry about me ok?" He said with a soft smile. Unfortunately for him, Hobi could read the other like a book.

"Tch. I've known you for forever idiot. And of course, I'm going to worry about you! Whenever you come back from seeing that ass, you have a certain look on your face... Can't you see how 'Yoongi' is hurting you? Joonie... I won't stand for you being hurt repeatedly! Over and over! Aren't you sick of this as well?!" Hoseok said raising his voice a bit.

"Hyung. What I do and don't do is none of your concern. Please... Just leave me alone. Do I bother you about your problems with Jin? No! You don't have that right to control my life! You aren't my mom!" Joon yelled out and he went to his room, slamming the door shut.

Yes... He knew this was wrong. And he has expressed it many times. Many many times... But each time he just pushed the thoughts away from his mind and continued on. His love was strong and it would not be diminished by the dark shadows of Yoongi's heart as well as his own.

Four weeks. It had been four weeks since they had last talked. And to be frank, Joon thought the other would actually talk to him during those weeks. But again... His hopes were shot down continuously. But he's used to it. How could he not?

But he was getting anxious. What if something bad happened to his hyung? What if he disappeared again? But why are these thoughts coming...? Since when did he care where Yoongi was? Well... Its been a while... And the pattern was messed up... Maybe he should check up on him...

Deciding on checking upon him, he grabbed his keys and ran out of the apartment. Its wasn't a long drive to yoongi's house, so he got there in no time.

But as soon as he pulled up to the parking lot, something in his gut told him not to go in. Don't see the horrors that could happen. But he just had to know if the guy was alright. Sure, he could have just called, or a simple text... But his fingers wouldn't work. They wouldn't let him dial the number...

Gathering up his courage he stepped out of the car and hesitantly walked over to the door. His legs felt like jelly and his heart felt like a hummingbird. It was just a simple check-up... Nothing to worry about.

As he got to the door, his arms wouldn't move. Nothing seemed to be working for him at all. Right when he needed courage... All of left his body. But, it was always that way with Yoongi. Anything he said, anything he did, or even a slight touch... It could make him into a sobbing mess or the happiest person in the world.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, the door opened unexpectedly. Out came a small boy. His hair was tousled and his clothes were a wreck... And were those hickies?! But as soon as he looked at the face his nervousness was replaced his anger and hurt.

_Jimin_

_"_What are you doing here?" Namjoon said quietly, laced with malice.

"Hmph. Don't I have the right to go were I please Namjoon?" Jimin said with a scoff.

"Listen here you little shit-" Namjoon was cut off by a hand on his shoulder. Yoongi... He looked equally as Jimin. No.. He wouldn't have... Would he?

"Namjoon? Why are you here?" Yoongi asked with surprise. Wow... That was a lot of emotion. Coming from the older of course.

"Yoongi~ I'm going to go," Jimin said in a cheerful voice and just left. Just like that...

"Hyung... Can I come inside for a minute?" Namjoon asked softly, his anger replaced with that nervousness again.

"I'm... Sure. Ok." Yoongi said with the same voice as all the other times.

Joon walked in and breathed in that mint scent that Yoon always had... It was calming and relaxing... It made Joon want to stay here and breath in the scent all day.

"What are you doing here?" Yoongi asked, sitting on the couch.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing... I haven't seen you in four weeks hyung... It made me worried." Joon said shyly.

"Well, I'm fine. Is that all you came here for?" Yoongi asked taking out a lighter and a cigarette.

"Wah~ Hyung. I didn't know you smoked!" Joon said in amazement. True, after the three years of knowing the guy, he never once has seen him smoke.

"I- oh... I've smoked all this time Joon. I just.. Never wanted you to find out. Pretty careless of me right? You won't find me any different... Right?"

"Aish... Hyung. Did you really think smoking would make me change my mind about you? That's absurd." Joon said starting to play with the hem of his jacket. "It would explain why you always smelled like it... But you always had an excuse to why... Well... Um... I guess its good you're ok."

Yoongi didn't say anything. He just shook his head and lit the cancer stick and took a long puff.

"Yea. Now... Are you ok?"

Joon was startled by the sudden question.

"W-What? Hyung... What kind of question is that?" He asked in confusion. Why now of all times...

"I'm just asking. All you have to say is 'I'm fine and you?'" Yoongi said with an annoyed tone.

"Actually, I'm feeling horrible lately, but other than that, I'm ok.. As long as you are, I'll be fine." He said with a wide smile.

"You're so stupid Namjoon..." Yoongi said while flicking some ashes into a plant.

Namjoon didn't answer, as he already knew this. He knew it yet... He loved this feeling. _Craved_ it really. He just wanted to spend time with his love. With that, he'll be filled. Even if it was just for an hour, a couple of mintues, even a few seconds.

"Do you know Jimin?"

He could've fallen out the chair right there and then.

"H-he is that person that broke up with me... Three years ago. The person who made me almost walk into that river..." He said quietly. "Why was he here?"

"What? Can I not have a simple hookup once in a while? Huh? Do you want me to tell you every single person I have over? Is that what you want Namjoon? You're not my parent. Not even my boyfriend." Yoongi said while standing up, visibly shaking.

"Get the hell out. Don't you dare try to fucking call me." He said.

"W-wait. Hyung! I didn't mean it like that-"

"No. Can't you see? No matter what you do, you can't help me."

To Be Continued...


	4. Chapter 4

I know I hurt him. I know I did. I always manage to mess up everything in my life huh? I manage to love it, cherish it, but then make it into a ball of black.

I am a shadow. A diety of darkness. Someone meant to corrupt anything that is pure.

But then... There's _him_. The light. Pure white light. Something you can't see, but its always around you. Taking up your life, your eyes. But, its always so far away. You have to look so close to be able to see it...

He's the light. And I'm the shadow. Two completely different things, yet so close and perfect for each other.

Why do I continue to hurt him? Why must I ignore him for so long? But even so, it's not me who goes chasing after him. It's him that comes after me. He really is a little idiot for coming to me. It's clear that he... L-Words me. Wouldn't I be a fool to not see it? Even a stranger could tell by that stutter, the flushed cheeks, flustered when I say a simple word. He thinks he hides it so well... What a damn fool. He just had to fall for a broken man such as myself huh?

"No. Can't you see? No matter what you do, you can't help me."

The look in his eyes was enough to make me want to take my words back. Want is the keyword here. In my anger induced rage, all I saw was red. All of this was for what? Just him asking a simple question? Did I always have to get mad?

"GET THE FUCK OUT ALREADY. YOU HAVE NO USE HERE SO GET OUT!" I yelled out at him. He looked so scared... Frightened. And I was the one who caused this... Fuck.

Not waiting for his response, I went to my room and tried to calm my self induced anger. I did everything. From punching the walls... To the bed... Even pinching and hitting myself. If I always hurt precious people, the only way is to hurt myself right?

It was satisfying to see the bruises and cuts that would appear in my skin. It reminded me of the artwork. A pale empty canvas. Then suddenly its brought to life once you bring the paintbrush and you start. You start at one point, then pretty soon the paint is all over and it's completed.

My 'dates' always wondered where the bruises came from. Where the deep purples and sickeningly yellow magically appeared. Of course, I couldn't tell anybody my _own_ hands that gave them pleasure, created the beautiful but painful mess.

I certainly couldn't tell my 'friend'.

I think of myself as an emotional hoarder. I, bottle everything up, and when something sets me off, I go 'missing.' Missing from the outside world, gone from everything. This takes up to about three weeks before I just go out and pretend everything is fine. Pretend everything is ok, and things aren't going to hell. But life has been shit anyway.

When was the last time I smiled? Hmm... The thought of a smile is foreign to me. Its a ghost from the past that might not ever come again. It'll be fine though... Right? There is nothing left to smile for.

_So it'll be better to forget it all._

To Be Continued...


	5. Chapter 5

_"GET THE FUCK OUT ALREADY. YOU HAVE NO USE HERE SO GET OUT!"_

I'm not going to lie. Or sugar coat things like I always do. I... I should have seen it coming you know? I should have seen my actions these days were too persistent. I questioned him too much. To... Much... It's my fault, isn't it? Everything. We wouldn't even have met if it wasn't for my doing. If I had just walked quicker... If I had just run and jumped into that river, would I have been happier? I mean, I'm always happy when I'm with him. I really am. But it seems as if when I try getting closer... He cuts me off even more. Does he do that everyone? He doesn't have that many friends as well so... I wouldn't really know.

After those words registered in my head, he was already gone. What did I look like? Scared? Sad? An alloy of both? Whatever it was... I can't just leave like that. Not again. Although I wanted to go and check up on him, My legs took me to the car and took me home. Huh... How did that happen?

I walk into the house and guess who's there... Hoseok. I know he means well. And to be honest... I deserve all the things he tells me. I do.

"Namjoon! This is enough! Stop seeing that guy! Do I have to put a damn tracker on you where ever you go? Huh? Is that what you want?!" He said in a raised voice.

I couldn't hold it in... Everything I've been feeling, holding in, stopping myself from feeling, all came rushing out in the form of tears. Hobi did the most logical thing and just held me until I passed out from crying so much.

I look at my phone every day to see if he messaged me. He doesn't but I still have that tiny hope you know?

Its been a little over a month. Is he ok? Is he eating well? Oh, I just want to call him to see how's he doing. Just a simple 'hello' would be fine. Anything is fine at this point.

_A month and two weeks_

I've locked myself up in this room. Only coming out to 'eat' and use the bathroom. Nothing to special. I still look at my phone every day. He still doesn't text me... I'm not going to be the one to apologize when he was the one that screwed up first. But I should know he's not like that. He won't apologize no matter how much I want it.

_2 Months_

Nothing. Tch, why do I even try hmm? I try, I do what he wants, I comfort him even when he messes up pretty badly, but yet, I don't receive anything back. Is it wrong for me to want something back? To have something, anything, back? I just wanted his love or even a good friendship. But... You know this won't happen. Not in a million years. Why did I fall for someone like him again?

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_Ring_

_I'm sorry, but the person you are trying to call is not available at the moment. Please leave a voice message after the tone._

_Beep._

_Namjoon... I'm... Sorry. I am aware this is a petty apology. Heck, you are probably not even going to answer this, or even listen to this. Look... I know I messed up pretty badly. I've treated you horribly these past two years. I have never meant to hurt you. Im reality, all I am doing is just hurting myself. I can't let people in because I'm afraid of getting hurt and- Ah...What am I doing? I should be telling you all of this in person you know? But I'm afraid of the way you'll look at me after I see you. After neglecting you for so long. I know how sensitive you are to these things... And how you have accustomed to the way I treat you. Namjoon... I.. I love you. So much, and it's to the point I'm ready to give it all up. Risk everything I put up around me. If you listen to this... I'm coming over right now. I don't care what Hoseok says or thinks about me right now._

Namjoon wakes up, just like every other day. The past week he had actually been outside, hung out with a few friends, _lived_ freely like how he was before he met the Min Yoongi. It had actually been pretty nice, hanging out with Hoseok and Taehyung. If anything, he suspects they might be in a relationship but aren't ready to tell him. Either that or they're just, really really, friendly with each other and Joon made an assumption too quickly. Either way... It was a good week he supposes.

But things aren't going... so well if you know what I mean. This feeling... It feels like a black python clenching at his chest. Whispering horrible things to him at every second of the day. Telling me him he is worthless and an idiotic person to believe someone would love him for him. That no matter what he did, life was going to be the same, and he has himself to blame. It's not Hoseok's, Taehyung's, Yoongi... Even Jimin. It was all his fault. And there was nothing he could really do. He messes everything up. He.. is like a flame. Pretty, even beautiful at first. But once you get close enough to touch it, you burn up. Leaving horrid marks on the body and your mind. It's not something that can be helped.

Hoseok was gone when Namjoon woke up. it wasn't surprising. Hoseok did have a life and a job, unlike his own ass. He looked at his phone and realized it died again. He spent the entire night on it, hoping to get some sort of sign that Yoongi was ok. That he was fine... but again there was nothing.

Sighing, he got up and went to the kitchen to catch something to drink and caught a look at the time.

"Holy-It's already 6 pm! How the hell did I stay up so late?!" he thought. Well, he did almost stay up the whole night and fell asleep when the morning light touched his room. Looking at the counter he saw a piece of paper with scrambled writing on it.

_Namjoonie~ I'll be back around 11 tonight. I have to take on a night shift as well as the night shift. Don't stay up again looking at that phone! I turned off your service for this purpose. _

_Hoseok_

Namjoon just laughed dryly. He should have done that sooner. Turning off his service right away. Maybe he would've gotten out of his "episode" sooner than expected.

Sighing again, he turned towards the bathroom and turned on the water. Isn't it pretty? The way it moves around and splashes around. It's relaxing. And once it's all settled down, it's perfectly still, and the occasional drips of water from the faucet.

After stripping off his clothes he went into that cold water. His body instantly rejecting the cold surrounding him, But does he really care?

"I wonder what it would have felt like to die in that river..." He says quietly to himself. "It did seem like a good choice at the time. If I did, no one would be hurting right now. I wouldn't have caused any trouble to Yoongi-hyung... Everyone would be better off without me... Right?" He asks himself as his bottom lip starts to tremble. His eyes starting to tear up rather quickly. He was always sensitive. Anything would set him off into a bumbling mess and he would be overly clingy to anything after it...

The _pain._ It hurts. Obviously. It could affect your mentality, cause physical pain, cause everything to go downhill in an instant. As he looked down at his body he could see the way his bones rut out in an unnatural way. Rib bones prominent. He hated it. The way it stuck out as it does. It was disgusting. His legs were thin, even his arms. Everything about himself was gross. He didn't even dare look at the mirror in the past three months. He knew what he would see and... It wasn't something he looked forward to.

How would the sweet release of death feel? To slowly lose your life while you suffocate while water spreads all over your lungs. Your whole body losing feeling, your pace rapidly slowing while your mind is clogged and finally... It's done.

It would be nice right now. To get out of the hell hole. Yes, it would...

And so he did just that. His body fully submerging in the water.

Yoongi felt giddy. It was only 5 minutes since he called Namjoon. Sure, it wasn't much... But he deserved everything. From an apology to the goddamn world. If Namjoon wanted something, Yoongi would lift the sky just to see him happy. But He knows he repeatedly hurt the boy. Always.. It was always his fault... But, with the help of a certain someone, he realized he was nothing without Joon. With him... He was complete. Even if he didn't show it. He felt whole. But something always held him back from accepting this. The mental walls he built around himself slowly crumbled away whenever he was with the boy. But he didn't want to be hurt again. Not again... Even when he pushed him away, everyone away. Namjoon was always there. With a bright smile, open arms, and a loving aura. And he just messed that up the fight happened.

What was he doing those three months you may ask? Well... Nothing really. If you count staring at the wall for hours at a time and end up drinking himself until he passed out, then yea. That's what he did. That happened in the first 2 months. He got fired from his job, and everything just went to... Shit. Then he had the excellent plan to bring home an old fuck buddy of his. Park Jimin. The little son of a bitch... Joonies ex... He felt remorse each session. Like he was cheating on an invisible lover. And it was that same dude that helped him with his feelings. Sorting them out.

_Flashback_

_"Yoongi~ When are you going to get out of this damn apartment?! As far as I know, you haven't left since two months ago! What's up, baby? Are you ok?" Jimin asked as he put on his shirt. Their clothes littered throughout the room._

_"Jimin. Don't push it. You don't know whats happening and I'd rather we keep it that way." Yoongi said before getting a pack of cigarettes and lighting one up._

_"Ah~ I see. Ok then. Have you seen little Joonie lately? Heard from Taehyung he's not doing so hot. Are you involved with this?" The shorter male asked._

_"He's... Not doing well? He never mopes around for weeks... Was it maybe.. No. It can't be." He sighs. "Jimin. I think its time for you to go."_

_"What? Don't pull that crap with me hyung!" Jimin yelled at him. "Don't you think I can't see it?! The way you look at him, just like I did. The way your mood changes whenever he's around?! I may have not seen enough interaction from you two, but that day I saw that sparkle in your eyes. Like mine three years ago! Min Yoongi. You know exactly how he is. How hurt he gets easily. And he hasn't texted or called you, right? Why? Because he's not that type of person! Either straighten up your life and apologize to him or live your life like this. A lovesick asshole who fucks around so he could forget for a few minutes!"_

_"Shut up! Don't go around acting like you know everything! It's hard for me to fucking let me feel nice things! I'm afraid to love someone, especially after that_ dick!_ You don't anything about me Jimin! And for Joonie... I... I fucking love him! So much! But my dumbass can't let him in as I want it to! I can't... I-I just can't..." Yoongi said as he laid down on the bed, curling into a ball. " And it's so frustrating... I don't know what to do.."_

_Jimin looked at the mess of emotions in front of him. He held pity in his eyes fo he knows what he's going through._

_"Hyung. Tell him. Everything. Before its too late. Don't make a mistake as I did."_

_Flashback end_

And that's how he ended up in front of his best friends house. Could he even call him a friend? Was he even worthy of that title?

He walked up to the door and prepared himself. Taking deep breaths and calming his racing heart.

He knocks.

_No answer_

He knocks again.

_Still no answer._

_"_What the hell? He always answers the door fast... Even Hoseok.." He mutters. And he does a daring thing and opens the door. Surprisingly, it wasn't locked.

"Hello?" He called out to the empty house. He walks around and notices there are papers on the counter. All from Hobi to Joonie... Hmm. That's kind of normal.

Then he hears it. The faint noise of water dripping onto the marble floor. Dripping? Was it overflowing?

Curious, he walks towards the bathroom and he notices the light is on. He took another deep breath, for he doesn't know what was to await him on the other side of the door.

Slowly, he opens it, and all he sees is Namjoon in the bathtub fully submerged. Not moving. Still as a rock.

"No... No... This isn't right... Right? It's just a mind trick... Right?" He says in disbelief. He moves quickly to the tub and looks down on it, eyes wide. "No.. Joonie.. Baby... Get up... GET UP GODDAMNIT." Without a second to spare and lifts the boy. At first, he notices how... Skinny the boy feels. The bones more out than usual. And his face... Sunken in and eyes having deep eyebags... And his lips... That are blue and still.

_To be continued..._


	6. Chapter 6

_"No... nonono this can't be happening..? Right? My baby wouldn't do this to himself... right?" _ Yoongi thought as he frantically rushed to grab the small body out of the bathtub. He looked around for anything to stop the blood still flowing from the man's wrists. As he tied the small towels around the wrist, he shakily pulled out his phone and dials the all to familiar number.

"_119, What's your emergency?"_

The rest of the night was a blur for Yoongi. All he remembered was that the paramedics came to the house and they rushed Namjoon to the hospital. They didn't allow him to get in the car because he wasn't "family." Well, he was a loved one so shouldn't that be enough?

So here he was... Sitting down in that cold white room. With him wallowing in his own sadness. Everything was... his fault. It was his fault that Namjoon did this. Because he got mad at the poor boy, cause he yelled. Then proceded to ignore him for the following months... For fuck's sake! Why was he so stupid? If he just told himself to suck it up sooner or to _do_ something better, everything would have been fine. Namjoon wouldn't be in the hospital. And he wouldn't be stuck in the wallowing silence of the waiting room.

And throughout this whole ordeal of Yoongi waiting for the doctor to tell him that Namjoon was ok, he forgot about one thing.

_Hoseok_

Fucking Hoseok.

He was going to kill him.

Hoseok was a mess once he came home. His door was wide open, the place looked like someone or something destroyed the place. He walked around picking up everything he could and putting it back to where it originally was. What the hell happened? Then a thought hit him.

"Namjoon?" He called out. "Namjoon?! Where are you? Come on now, please don't scare me like this... NAMJOON. Quit playing!" He yelled out while rushing around. Then he slowly opened the door to the bathroom. There you could see some dried blood stains and the water... It was deeply concerning. Just as he was going to start and panic, he got a phone call.

_Kim Taehyung Is Calling! Do You Wish To Accept?_

Hoseok didn't hesitate to pick up.

"_Hyung?! Hello?!_" Taehyung said with a panicked voice.

"What's going on Tae?! I came home and Namjoon was missing and-"

"_Hyung! Namjoon is in the hospital! Get your ass down here like right now! We are just waiting..._"

Hoseok paused. "What do you mean by 'we'?"

_"I... You're not gonna like it... Just get down here..."_

_Beep Beep Beep_

Hoseok ran quickly into the hospital and looked around for Taehyung. What happened? Where was Namjoon? Was he here? Did he get into an accident as usual... or what?

After a while, he finally found his "friend." But what he didn't realize at the moment was that _Yoongi_ was there. Of course. This little shit was always here. It was always him.

Without thinking and seeing red, he ran up to Yoongi and punched him.

"You're the reason Namjoon is like this!" Hoseok yelled out as he pulled Yoongi up and pushed him against the wall. "Do you even know the pain you caused him?! Huh?! Answer me!"

"H-Hobi..." Yoongi said meekly.

"You have no right to call me that prick-"

"Excuse me, gentlemen, are you all here for a Kim Namjoon?" A voice suddenly called out. Hoseok let go of Yoongi and slowly straightened out his shirt.

"Ah... Yes, sir... Um, how is he?" Hoseok asked in a quiet voice.

"His state is quite fine. But, taking a closer inspection after dressing his wounds, he is incredibly malnourished. Now, you don't have to tell me the exact things that happened for this to occur, but once he is discharged he needs to eat more. And... I believe that is all. The nurse will tell you everything else later." The doctor said before walking off with the clipboard in hand.

"This is all your fault Yoongi. If... If it wasn't for you. If Namjoon had never met you, this wouldn't have happened..." Hoseok said looking at the ground starting to shake.

"Hoseok, you know it is me who saved him right? The day we met he was going to fucking kill himself! And you want to blame all this on me?! Yes! I hurt him. Yes, I did everything. But in a sense, I helped him. If it wasn't for me your precious Namjoon wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me!I- I admit...everything that happened... It's my fault. You're not wrong... But it isn't right to just blame everything on me! All this time, you could've tried to help him during these months! Yes, I come into play as well, but you also have a role in this as well!" Yoongi said loudly as he looked up at Hoseok.

"I didn't want to upset him even more!"

"Yea?! Well looked how that turned out-"

"Can you guys just shut up?!" Taehyung lashed out while looking like he was on the verge of tears. "All this fighting... It isn't good for you. And it certainly isn't good for Namjoon. Remember, we are here for him. When we are finally allowed to go see him, you two need to put your differences aside and suck it up!"

Just as Taehyung said that a tall lady came up to them and cleared her throat, feeling the tension that was high up in the air.

"Excuse me, gentlemen, it would be wise to stay quiet in the emergency room. There are other patients here other than Mr. Kim. He is awake now, you may go see him. But as I said before, stay quiet." She said before walking down the hallway to another room. The three just all looked at each other awkwardly and slowly moved towards the door. Hoseok softly knocked on the door.

"Namjoon..?" He said. Sniffs could be heard in the room as someone with a scratchy voice said a weak "come in."

Taehyung motioned for Yoongi to stand outside the room.

"Just wait, we'll talk to him before you come in... We'll leave once you come in... ok?" Taehyung said in a soft voice. Yoongi just gulped and nodded. "Good boy~," Taehyung said before following Hobi.

"Hey man... you feeling alright..ish?" Hoseok said in a horrible attempt to start up a conversation.

Namjoon just scoffed and weakly waved his bandaged arms.

"How do you think I am Hyung? I feel like shit. But other than that I suppose everything is fine." He said laying back down.

"Joonie... We know you aren't 'fine.' Can you... tell us what happened?" Taehyung said, grabbing Joon's hand before it being ripped out of his grasp.

"I don't want to talk about it." He said closing his eyes. "Besides, when have you guys care? All these months... you could've done something. But no." Namjoon paused feeling tears well up in his eyes. "Who the fuck saved me anyways? You should've let me die... I'm just useless in this world..." Namjoon said letting the tears fall out. "You shouldn't have saved me. I don't want to be here Hoseok... Taehyung... Just let me die... That's all I want. I-if Yoongi hadn't been there that day, I- I would already be gone. At peace... It's all my fault... everything was my fault..." He said as small sobs racked his body.

Taehyung looked at Hoseok, and although Hobi didn't want to leave Namjoon, he knew that it was time for that asshole to come in and... Explain. Everything.

They both walked out and Yoongi slowly walked in. But once he heard the sobs of the person he cared about most, he couldn't hold back and he ran over to the boy and gripped him tightly.

_"I got you... I got you... don't worry about anything, let it all out. I promise I won't hurt you... never again._

After Namjoon had somewhat calmed down he finally looked up to who was hugging him and he immediately wanted to cry again. Scream, yell, hit the guy, but yet at the same time. He wanted to hug him, kiss him, _forgive him_. But that wouldn't really be wise of him, right? To take someone in. Someone, who hurt him badly and just toxic in general for him?

"Why are you here..?" Namjoon asked in a voice that made it hard for Yoongi to hear.

"I- What..? I didn't hear you..." Yoongi said kind of embarrassed that he didn't hear the small voice.

"I asked. Why are you here Min Yoongi." Namjoon said louder.

"Why. Ha. Do I need a reason?" He asked before realizing that it was stupid. "Well...I mean, who wouldn't?"

"I'm not in the mood for mind games Yoongi-hyung. If you just want to mess with my head again, go right out the door because I'm done with you. I'm done with your games... You messing with my feelings... Messing my whole life up." He said starting to tear up. God... He was always weak.

"Namjoon... I came to apologize... for everything. From the very beginning to the present time right now... I... I have realized after these many months of.. fucking around, avoiding certain circumstances... That I messed up. After these years of knowing each other, knowing exactly how you are, knowing what could happen when I continue being the way I am... I realized that everything was all on me. From the way, I acted, always pushing you away..." He stopped for a second trying to compose himself.. Damn.. this was hard...

"Whenever I would get mad and tell you to go home, I would immediately feel guilty afterward. But yet, I did nothing to apologize or make up for it. I acted like a cold being with no emotions. And I could see on your face... The hurt, shame, self-blame...I regret making you feel those things."

"The truth is... I got hurt. Multiple times and that led up to me pushing everybody away. And even throughout all this, you managed to stick around. And put up with my ass. You could've left just like everybody else. Yet you stayed. No one stayed after everything..." Yoongi said grabbing Namjoon's hands. He rubbed his hands against the bandaged wrists and the regret and guilt pushed way through his eyes.

"When I walked into the bathroom and saw your lifeless body, I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that you would try to do something like that again. after three fucking years... Joonie... Please don't do this to yourself again... This is horrid and... I can't imagine a world without you."

Namjoon looked at down at Yoongi and let loose another set of tears.

"Why are you telling me this now huh? It... Fuck you Yoongi... you don't care about me in any way at all, so why don't you go to your little whore Jimin and sleep with him to make you forget about me... You don't care... After all these years... I can't take it anymore.." Namjoon said trying to take his hands away from Yoongi's, but anything, the other's grip just became tighter.

"Damn you... This is why it took me three years to tell you I love you. Did you think I was too scared to commit? It was because I was scared of this. Scared of how much I love you. Scared of the feeling that I'd never be able to find happiness without you. That's what I was scared of. I was scared of this. This right here... Kim Namjoon, I fucking love you... So much... And I'm sorry that it took this long to tell you..." Yoongi said before grabbing Namjoon's face and pulling it towards his own. He locked their lips together, forever sealing the love that was just spoken.

"I love you too Yoongi... You can never imagine how much I've been waiting for this day..." Namjoon said in between breaths.

They spent the night in each other's arms, enjoying their company. Despite the circumstances, they had managed to make each other... very happy.

To Be Continued...


	7. Chapter 7

_"__What should happen if you were to forget about me?"_

_"Well, I suppose I wouldn't have a reason to go on now, would I?"_

_"Yea... But-"_

_"Why are you asking this at 3 in the morning?"_

_"I was just thinking..."_

_"About what?"_

_"How things used to be. I'm just... Scared. Of the future... What if we go into the same old habits all those years ago?"_

_"My love, if we went into those habits again I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. Never in a million years. I love you. So much more than myself, and I wish you would stop thinking about those things."_

_"Yea... I love you too...more than words combined."_

_"Good. Now go back to sleep dork. You have to go get a dress tomorrow..."_

_"I may be marrying you Mr. Min, but I refuse to wear a dress."_

"_Tch, we'll see about that..._ Mrs. _Min._"

It wasn't long before Namjoon was discharged from the hospital. Only a couple days in there after Hoseok force-fed him and the doctor deemed it safe enough to go back home.

But safety precautions were taken into place after he came back. No blades of any sort around the house, the constant checking upon him. Afraid of leaving Joon alone not knowing what he could pull off.

Yes. He has gotten the love of his life, but that didn't mean his mental state was stable... He had night terrors and developed the habit of looking at his phone every 5 seconds, afraid he'll be forgotten. Left alone again.

Yoongi also started working on his self-development. Learning that not everyone would push him away, and he won't have to be afraid anymore. He has Namjoon, and Namjoon has him. Both leaning on each other for support. Both healing as time moved on.

Hoseok And Taehyung soon grew to accept this prolonged relationship. Even though Hoseok still didn't like Yoongi, he saw the way he made his Namjoon happy. The way Namjoon's eyes lit up, his full dimples om display whenever they were with each other. You couldn't deny the fact they were happy. And Hoseok knew that. For he and Taehyung were the same way...

It had been 5 years since the incident. Since Yoongi confessed his feelings for the younger boy. Yoongi now 31 and Namjoon 29. It wasn't much of a shock when Yoongi got down on one knee and asked Namjoon to marry him.

The younger passed out on the spot. But in the end, he said yes, and everything was going well.

Which brings us to this next point.

"Yah! Namjoon! Didn't I tell you to get some sleep last night?! Look at you, you have eyebags... Tch, sit down! Nothing that a little makeup can't do." Taehyung said as he sat Namjoon in a chair and started working on his face.

"Eh, sorry Tae... I was just... Thinking about things last night you know?" Namjoon said as he tried to stay still. His freshly dyed white hair cascading onto his forehead. "I'm just so scared! Holy... I never thought this day would come so fast..."

"So fast? Hyung- We've been trying to make Yoongi-hyung pop the question for 2 years now!" Taehyung said while applying the foundation onto his face.

"Two years- Taehyung! Are you serious?!" Namjoon said looking up at Tae with wide eyes.

"Quiet down will you?" A voice said coming up from behind Tae.

"Ah! Don't do that Hoseok- you almost made me mess up his face even more! Er- not that you're bad or anything-" He stammered out.

"Can you guys hurry up?! He's supposed to walk down the aisle in 5 minutes!" A panicked Jimin said with his clipboard in hand.

Oh. I didn't tell you about Jimin? Well, after the whole hospital incident, he felt bad. Well... He did after Yoongi explained the day Jimin broke it off with Namjoon. Eventually, they all became friends and happily ever after. The end.

"Oh, shit- 5 minutes?!" Taehyung said working faster. "He's not even dressed all the way!"

"Well hurry up-"

He was. Magnificent. No... No words can describe the way he looked. He was just there, letting everyone see his beauty.

As he walked down that aisle, you could see that he didn't wear the dress that Yoongi wanted him to wear (thankfully) but he did wear a veil. His tuxedo was made of a silky lace, and white. Huh. You would have never thought _the_ Kim Namjoon would be the one in white.

He didn't have anyone to be there. His parents were... Gone... So... He asked his best friend. The person that looked to for a long time. Jung Hoseok. When Namjoon asked him to walk him down the aisle, Hoseok looked like he could bust into tears at any moment. And he did just that- well. Both of them did.

You can't tell anybody that Hoseok was proud to be there. Sure he was only a couple months older, he was proud. Of everything.

Let's just say it was an emotional moment for all of them.

And Yoongi? He couldn't believe he was standing there. Watching the person he grew to love, cherish, accept walk down that aisle with glistening eyes, staring back with the same emotion. He... Couldn't be happier.

As he arrived at the alter, Yoongi grabbed Namjoon's hand and they looked at each other, wide smiles spread on both their faces.

"We're all here today to celebrate the relationship of Kim Namjoon and Min Yoongi and to be witnesses and supporters of the commitment they share with one another. Together we're a group of the most important people in their lives and they've brought us here to publically recognize that we've all played some special part in the love they share today."

"A good marriage must be built on the foundation of this commitment. In marriage, the "little" things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say, "I love you" at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is standing together and facing the world. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is not only marrying the right partner — it is being the right partner."

"The road that has brought Namjoon and Yoongi here today hasn't been easy. It's been filled with challenges that they weren't necessarily prepared for. But together they've taken each one on and have used those experiences to strengthen, not weaken their love."

"As their reading, it is from the movie 'Wedding Singer.'"

"'I want to make you smile whenever you're sad. Carry you around when your arthritis is bad All I want to do is grow old with you I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches Build you a fire if the furnace breaks Oh it could be so nice, growing old with you I'll miss you Kiss you Give you my coat when you are cold. Need you. Feed you. Even let you hold the remote control So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink I could be the man who grows old with you I want to grow old with you.'"

There was a couple of laughs from the crowd.

"You may say your vows."

Namjoon licked his lips in anticipation before grabbing a paper from his front pocket and unfolding it.

"Ha... How can I say this? Well, Yoongi. Its been a little over 6 years since we've met and a lot of things have happened during the course of those 6 years. I'm surprised that We've stuck around for so long. You may be a grouch at times, but I love you the way you make me happy, even when we have our little spats over silly things... What I'm trying to say is that I will love you forever, and you are not getting rid of me so easily." He said with a bright smile and folding the paper and putting it back in its original place.

Yoongi didn't even write his own, for he somehow knew what he was going to say... For a year now.

"Namjoon, I knew from the very moment I laid eyes on you that you were my forever. Someway, somehow, I was determined to make you mine. And from this day forward my heart is entirely yours...

As we continue to grow in our lives together, I promise to give you all of my words when needed, and to share in the silence when they are not, to pick you up if you are down, to love you unconditionally, to lay my bare skin on you when needed most, to care for you and our families for as long as we live, to adventure with you always, to say I love you before falling asleep each night, to be the best dad I can be as we grow a family together, and to always know in the deepest part of my soul, that when challenges arise we will always find our way back to one another.

Namjoon, you are my everything and this is my promise to you." Yoongi said before his eyes started to tear up along with Namjoon's.

Taehyung then stepped up to the altar and presented the rings. Both black because gold was too standard.

They had both exchanged each other's rings and held each others hands, looking in the eyes. The world going blank around each other.

"Namjoon and Yoongi, you have professed your love by exchanging your vows. You have symbolized your commitment by exchanging rings. With all of this, there is just one more question I need each of you to answer and then we're off to the reception to celebrate."

"Yoongi, do you take Namjoon to be your husband, to live together in the covenant of marriage? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"And Namjoon, do you take Yoongi to be your husband, to live together in the covenant of marriage? Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and husband. Yoongi, you may kiss your 'bride'."

And they sealed their future together with a long-lasting kiss.

Isn't it funny how the flame and shadow became one with each other? How two things the complete opposite of each other became one? Well, that teaches us something. That even the unexpected is beautiful.

_Finished_


End file.
